Master Dilettante

While taking around 11 flights to, within and from Argentina last month, I had time to observe and ponder human behavior around air travel.  Based on my scientific observations, I’ve arrived at these 10 Commandments of air travel, which, coincidentally, might also reduce stress for travelers during this holiday season.

1. Thou shalt pass through airport security quietly and efficiently.  We all know the drill now.  Be prepared:  3-ounce fluids in a 1-quart plastic bag, shoes off, metal objects removed from person, laptop out of it’s bag, no excessive number of carry-on baggage, jacket off.  Move it, people!
2. Thou shalt not crowd one another or push and shove in line while waiting to board.  How many of you jockey for pre-boarding position in the relative roomy space of the gate area only to find yourself trapped in the suffocating confines of the gangway or the narrow aisles of the plane?  Worry not:  The plane won’t leave without you, so rushing to the front of the line doesn’t secure your transportation.  And if you’re worried about overhead storage space, you should have arrived at the airport earlier.
3. Similarly, thou shalt not crowd others when waiting in the gangway – you won’t get on the plane sooner and it doesn’t matter if you do.
4. Thou shalt not use the seat in front of you as a lever to assist you in getting up from yours.  There’s an alternative device to stand up that many Americans have underemployed chronically:  That device is called “your legs.”  No need to jarringly disturb the passenger in front of you every time you need to leave your seat.
5. Similarly, thou shalt not use seats as ladder rungs when moving about the airplane.  Again, use the legs, employ what’s called “balance,” and spare your fellow passengers the additional invasion of personal space that air travel all but guarantees.
6. Thou shalt not monopolize both armrests when seated in an aisle seat.  I’m just saying.  Consider this perhaps a minor sin.
7. Thou shalt not get hammered and/or be a loud talker — even if genetically predisposed like Jason H.
8. Thou shalt treat the flight crew with the utmost courtesy and respect.
9. Thou shalt not push and shove other passengers when waiting to disembark.  See commandments 1 & 2 above.
10. Thou shalt remember that we all have business to attend to and friends and family to visit.  We’re all on the same missions.  Yours is not more important than mine, and mine is no more important than yours.  Let’s all treat each other with the courtesy and respect we each deserve.

Gobble gobble!

Please feel free to comment on additional commandments or sins for comment inclusion.